Archive for July, 2010

Sadly, it’s true that we should tell one in ten kids that they won’t find jobs. Actually, kids could easily be depressed thinking of the possibilities that are before them. Cancer, early onset diabetes, another Nicholas Cage movie…

But kids are always optimistic about stuff. I guess when you think that eating your boogers and imagining a stick can be anything, it’s not that bad.

Conclusion to the post? Be happy, eat your boogers.

The Bad Chemicals.

Word Press is currently broken somehow, making it impossible to post a comic. This issue will be addressed shortly. Instead I will regale you with a short story.

Yesterday I got out of the shower and realized I had two pair of boxers on the floor of the bathroom. One dirty, one clean. However both were blue Hanes ComfortSoft Waistband Boxers,* doubtlessly the best boxers on the market these days. This was a terrible decision. I did not want to wear dirty boxers, but I could not distinguish which pair was clean. On closer examination  I was both delighted by my hygienic practices, but dismayed that I could still not choose which pair was clean. I had only one avenue left to determine which pair I should put on. I never was able to get into the part of chemistry where you “waft” to determine pungency, so I went for the gold. Nose pushed deep, and inhaled sharply…

At that moment of awe and joy felt as though the knight from the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was standing beside me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “You have chosen… wisely.”

*I feel I should tell you I did not receive any endorsement deal from Hanes, or Wal-Mart where these boxers were purchased. Had I received any sort of discount or free product and then mention it on my blog I would be under legal obligation to share with you I was no longer an impartial reviewer. However since I cannot afford a lawyer to defend my innocence if I was asked by the FTC to prove my innocence, since agency regulation places the burden of proof on the accused instead of carrying it with the accuser, I thought I would make claims of my innocent and honest endorsement before any litigation could be brought forth.

There is another matter of which I must speak. One that has troubled me deeply for some time.

Long have a battled this unbecoming rot within me. For years I have battled this unsightly plague. Every month or so it reared its head, forcing upon me a choice. I’ve taken the easy route these last years, merely lopping off the visible symptoms, while never addressing the true issue. Sometimes I would try to hide it’s ugly head, pushing it back down deeper within myself, but never being rid of the problem. Tonight as I stood before the mirror I was confronted with it yet again. I was afraid, as we all can be when faced with a decision which we know will bring us pain. In a rush I knew what must be done, and I carried it out. It was hard, my hands shook when I viewed myself in the mirror, but no longer could I stand by and treat the symptoms of what was growing within me. I knew that if I pushed it down to hide it, or snipped at it to gain me a few more weeks of peace, it would only be back again. To truly improve yourself you must rip out what plagues you at the root. Tonight was truly self improvement. After I stilled by inner turmoil and braced myself for the pain I finally did it. I shed a few brief tears afterward for the pain of what I tore out inside me.  Full two inches long was that nose hair I held between the tweezers. It must have grown from somewhere deep within the base of my nose, that would explain the tears. I feel better, being rid of it. But how it hurt, to pull forth that unsightly blemish.

Comic from… Wait… No comic today. Curses!

You would think in a country where the vast majority of citizens are only able to speak one language, they would speak it well. This, however, is not the case. I talk about this too often, so if you want a more in depth rant, just click the previous button, or just click on random dates.

http://www.aperfectworld.org/

Sometimes it takes an old reptile to really drive home a point.

There are a few things I dislike in this world, Venus Williams’ battle cry during tennis matches (it causes the sphincter to cramp), Misspellings, That’s what she said jokes, and people.

Let me make clear what I mean by the last item on that list. I just find it annoying when “people” tell me what is good and what is not. Understand folks that what you consider to be “good” I may consider to be “morally offensive”.

Take, for example, people who believe that ICP was/is a “good” band. Now, conversely, take some people who think Cross Canadian Ragweed is a “good” band. Put them together to talk about music and you’ll end up with a bunch of people stabbed; some with machetes and some with broken bongs.

So you like Celine Dion? great. I don’t. You think that’s good music? fantastic. You aren’t going to convince me that a screeching Canadian is good music, so stop it. You think Mustard is the end all in the condiment wars? I don’t. It’s not good, TO ME. I don’t like it.

Know what you think is good, understand that others may not hold your self-same views, and don’t go crazy trying to convince them otherwise, and we might avoid world war III.

probably one of my favorite comics, Dinosaur Comics

I read recently that pre-washing your dishes in the sink simply wastes water because there have been so many advances in dishwashers and dish soap. I attempted this “dump it all in there method”… Really you should probably either buy the fancy soap or have bought a new dishwasher in the last five years if you want to try that experiment.

In other news I asked the police to pull over a drunk driver. Turns out he was just about 95 and couldn’t see well enough at night to drive. If you’re 95 you shouldn’t be driving at one o’clock in the morning! Weaving in and out of the lanes. I felt kind of bad when I realized he was just an old man. In all honesty though, I’m sure he was just as much a hazard to others as a drunk.

Comic from Super Buzzkill